Brief Sketch on an early Saturday afternoon

This post was written 5 months ago.
Sat, 11 Nov 2017
I was just reminded how well I am really. Yesterday I had a blip, but after all, it was just one day. If I manage to confine it like that, that is something. Still, when it happens, it is very difficult, and I think many people have no clue what it feels like.

This morning I went to watch my son's football team play. Watching them play has become my key meditative in-the-moment experience each week. It is a bit like when you are going on a long journey and all you need to do is drive. I enjoy that, too. In this case, nothing more is asked of you than watch. And it can be quite exciting as well. I swear it is more gripping to watch these boys than a Premier league or international team. To me it is, at least.

I am so interested in doing things now. To progress. To organise, learn, explore. I really do not want to dwell anymore on too much psychological shit. Except of course, it would be good to know oneself sufficiently, to have a good idea which things make sense to take on, and which do less.

I used to think I am doing too many things at once, but actually, the things I have in mind now, I can do them, if I manage to stay out of the depression, and if I find a way of prioritising and compartmentalising things well. I don't watch television, I think that helps. - I did not realise how long a lingering dysthymia/light depression had been going on; only now I see again what wellbeing really means. And I dare to say, this is different from one that you'd achieve through pills; all au naturel; I am not against pills, but I'd use them in the graver cases only; a constantly low mood is not necessarily a case for a pill; it is a sign that something is not quite right and is asking to be changed; a long dragged-out process then to really do so, and no good outcome guaranteed. But when it comes, it just is so good.

So, then, this is what I am going to do, beside my 20 hours work per week:
  • Organise Codehub
  • Work on practice coding projects
  • Learn Haskell
  • Learn Guitar
  • Read, read, read

Of course the "organise CodeHub" comprises many things, and I will want to write about that, to pluck it all apart, what the individual activities might be.

Now, I have to take my son to his friend. Then later, Jaron Lanier at Watershed, and after that, welcoming my husband back from his 1 week trip to Japan. Yay :)

Tags: codeHub / organising /

Little un-poem

This post was written 5 months ago.
Fri, 10 Nov 2017
When I'm hurt I'm really hurt and I wouldn't mind the hurt
if it wasn't so distracting, a whole day unproductive
and I read my Haskell book through tears

And now I go to bed at half past four
There really is no reason, just that moment after moment
I wanted to express myself some way and couldn't

The mermaid learned to walk but had to sacrifice her voice
That is the hardest bit. It can come back and will.
But first there's pain, so bring it on, cause I don't mind

tags: mind_stuff